After taking the summer off, I re-entered the dating world last month. I have a pretty firm grasp of my relationship needs. Honesty is the new ‘great ass’. Considerate and reciprocating are ‘perky boobs’ to me. Fun is my ‘tiger in the sack’ now. Have I gone crazy? Hell no!
I’m not proud to admit that I’ve been married twice. There was a 20 year gap between my first divorce and subsequent remarriage. My second marriage was to a pathological liar. Living with my ex-wife was a miserable experience. There were only rare moments of peace and tranquility. When my ex-wife was not experiencing drama, or feeding off the drama of others, she would create it. Reality was nonexistent in her world. Lying was the only way she could function in her alternate dimension. When my ex-wife was not lying to me, she was lying about me. After divorcing this horrid, mentally ill individual, dishonesty became my primary deal breaker. Honesty is now treasured. Honesty is a requirement for true intimacy in a relationship. With honesty, comes trust. Without trust, there’s no foundation for love.
I was in a fairly long relationship until very late last year that ended in a fizzle. I took a few months off dating after that to dissect what happened in my mind. A few of my friends had very strong, not so flattering opinions of my ex. It occurred to me that I was constantly accommodating my ex without much reciprocation on her part. There are no absolutes in any relationship, i.e. always and never are not applicable for the most part. However, I was almost constantly the one making the compromises. One incident involved cutting my milestone birthday celebration short due to her selfishness. A considerate person would’ve recognized the significance of their partner’s 50th birthday and put their frivolous desires aside for a day. I don’t need this type of person in my life! There should be no scorekeeping in a relationship, so a perfect 50/50 balance is not realistic. One half of the couple should not be consistently accommodating the other half. Considerate people recognize that.
Cyndi Lauper made a lot of money singing about girls wanting to have fun. So do boys, Ms. Lauper! Since making the decision to focus on my needs instead of my wants, I’ve discovered that having fun is one of my greatest needs. I am having more fun than ever now having found new ways to do so. Purging a lot of underlying stress in my life has been very beneficial too. When it comes to my next relationship, fun is now a requirement. Nothing forced. A natural playfulness between the two of us that is ever-present.
These aren’t the only requirements for my next relationship, but it’s a start.